What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

What do you mean son?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

What! how could you do that?

So I’m getting piano lessons and my teacher wants me to get an upright piano instead of a keyboard. An upright piano is way above my price range, so what do I do? And what’s the difference between an upright piano and a keyboard?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

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She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Do you know what she said mum?

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“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

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True - how I loved my mum!

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

What shouldn't you Google?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”